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  • Writer's pictureFred Yeager

The Barnyard Weekly

Jones’s Farm, Somewhere, USA - Sunday, September 22, 2019

Volume 1, No 2, Copyright 2015 by Godfrey, Editor, and Publisher

Godfrey the Rooster, editor, and publisher of The Barn Yard Weekly, crowed for Molly the Duck to come to his office. As she entered, he crowded, “There’s a rumor that Farmer Jones is sending spring pigs to market.”

“What does this have to do with me?” quacked Molly the Duck.

“Check it out. I want your copy on my desk Thursday morning. We’ll run it in Friday’s paper.”

“Godfrey, I am the columnist for international and economic issues.”

“Yeah, but you’re also a damned good investigative reporter. Best

I’ve got.”


“I don’t wantta hear it. GO!”

Molly the Duck returned to her desk in the newsroom. Fifteen minutes later, she sent an e-mail to Chessie the Cat, Molly’s informant on what was happening at the big house, suggesting a meeting at the Red Barn Hayloft at ten o’clock.

When Chessie the Cat arrived, Molly the Duck led her behind a hay bail. Chessie the Cat, grinning, sat down. She knew what Molly wanted but waited for her to open the conversation.

“Thanks for coming,” quacked Molly the Duck. “There are rumors that Farmer Jones is sending fifty spring piggies to market.”

“It’s true. I heard him call the trucking company last night,” purred Chessie the Cat.

“Oh no!” quacked Molly the Duck “Why?”

“Framer Jones told his wife he needs the money.”

“Why does he need money? He’s a rich farmer. Can’t he get a loan at the bank?”

“He told his wife it's costing money to store the soybeans any longer, and the market keeps going down. He doesn't know when he can sell or how much longer he can afford to store the soybeans”

“He’s never had a money problem before,” quacked Molly the Duck.

“It’s because of the Chinese tariff on soybeans from the U.S.,” purred Chessie the Cat.

“When are the trucks coming for the piggies?” quacked Molly the Duck.

“I am not sure, but probably on Monday.”

“Okay. Thanks, Chessie,” quacked Molly the Duck and hurried to her office. She needed confirmation of what Chessie the Cat had told her and sent a message to Fido the French Poodle asking for a meeting. She thought Fido the French Poodle an arrogant snob with his phony French bark, but he always knew what was going on in the big house. In thirty minutes Molly’s mobile buzzed. She picked it up and read the message: Behind the tool shed in forty-five minutes. Come alone. Don’t be late.

Molly the Duck arrived five minutes early. Fifteen minutes later Fido the French Poodle wearing dark sunglass, a black beret pulled low and a black scarf causally wrapped around his neck, looking left and right, edged furtively around the corner of the tool shed. He stopped, looked around, took off his sunglasses, and leaning close to Molly the Duck barked into her ear, “Everything Chessie the Cat told you is true. The piggies go to market on Monday.” Putting on his sunglasses, he pulled the black beret low, adjusted his scarf, and head high strolled off.

Molly the Duck’s copy was on Godfrey the Goose’s desk when he walked into his office on Thursday morning. The tabloid’s Friday headline read: ECONOMIC CRISES: PIGGIES GO TO MARKET.

Sunday night Molly the Duck’s cellphone buzzed. The message read: Save our piggies from the Market. Meet tomorrow morning at five-thirty at the loading ramp.

When two trucks arrived Monday morning, geese, ducks, chickens, five peacocks, and three goats prevented the trucks from backing up to the loading ramp. The drivers’ assistants calling “Shoo! Shoo!’ and waving shirts, jackets, and towels shooed them away from the loading ramp.

Inside the barnyard Policeman Harry the Bulldog was trying to drive off the cows, calves, hogs, horses, sheep, lambs, two lamas, and three mules blocking the loading pen from which the piggies would be driven up the ramp into the waiting truck.

Henry the Old English Sheepdog, and Billie the Border Collie were herding the fifty piggies towards the pens. Running left and right and nipping at the piggies’ heels and buttocks, they succeed in driving the piggies to the loading pen only to have them scatter when the mooing, neighing, baaing, and baying cows, calves, hogs, horses, sheep, lambs, two lamas, and three mules mixed with the fifty piggies: all of them scattering everywhere in the barnyard.

Five times Policeman Harry the Bulldog tried to clear protesters from in front of the loading pen’s gate. Five times Henry the Old English Sheepdog and Billie the Border Collie herded the fifty piggies to the gate. Five times protesters and piggies scattered everywhere.

Molly the Duck was there observing it all, making notes and taking pictures At ten o’clock Farmer Jones suggested to the truckers that they return the next morning. That night Farmer Jones and his wife with the help of Henry the Old English Sheepdog, and Billie the Border Collie penned up the sows, boars, cows, calves, hogs, horses, sheep, lambs, two lamas, and three mules, geese, ducks, chickens, five peacocks and three goats and the fifty piggies.

The next morning the fifty piggies were loaded into the trucks while Molly the Duck watched.



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1 Comment

Anita Lekic
Anita Lekic
Jan 20, 2021


Tracked you down. Excellent story -- quirky, original, amusing and sad all at the same time. You write vividly and have a great imagination. Why aren't you posting?

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